the Anti-Reality Show
a (scripted) TV blog by sydney allenArchive for The Office
The Office S6 E6- The Lover
Another stream-of-consciousness blog. I like these.
Blind Guy McSqueezy and Michael Scarn, Michael’s two improv creations, need to go bowling together. They would get along well. Until Agent Scarn pulls out a gun.
The duck. It’s so unlike Dwight…until it’s exactly like Dwight. And I wish I had his book of Bavarian fairy tales.
“I have taken a lover.”
I love Pam’s mom’s name.
MICHAEL IS SO CREEPY. I AM FULLY ON PAM’S SIDE. That being said….
“Not now, Toby, my God!” Jim is becoming Michael–the horror!
“Do you want me to give you the chills?” I’ve done that to people…without the blood and the knife.
Um, Pam, I realize you’re really mad and all, but you were actually…really out of line during Michael’s meeting. That’s all.
“Nobody talks to my baby like that…Goodbye, Pickle.”
Yeah…Michael was in the right until he said “I might someday be your father”. Then it was all over.
Classique Series- The Office S2- The Injury
I love this episode so, so, so, so FREAKING MUCH. My absolute favorite (almost).
Great Scott
Michael in this episode is-to quote my new least favorite show, Jon and Kate Plus 8- “an unending fountain of whine”. Everything in this episode is about Michael’s comfort, right down to the inciting action for this episode- his desire to have bacon beside his bed. He is his own first priority and believes he should also be the first priority of everyone else- something that his officemates don’t quite understand. Michael doesn’t understand why Pam won’t smear butter (Country Crock) on his crusty blisters. He can’t fathom why Ryan doesn’t want to go in the bathroom and “clean him up a bit”. And he isn’t being snobby about it- his driving force is not that he’s the boss and THAT’s why they should love him. Michael sincerely believes that these officemates are his family, he sincerely believes that his injury is severe, and he sincerely believes that his family should focus totally on his severe foot injury. Michael is all about sincerity- until he’s ignored, and then he jumps off of the deep end. Case in point–the wheelchair dude.
Dwigt
That “moon faced kid” was a seriously awesome character in this episode. Just him crashing into the car, stumbling out of it, flopping on the side and throwing up made me literally fall down laughing. Dwight and Pam’s interaction was genius- espcially with the non-iPod and Pam helping his to the door. And drinking in Meredith’s van. Good work, Dwight. Good work.
Big Tuna
Jim is appalled in this episode. And for many well deserved reasons. He’s appalled that Michael is taking his foot so seriously. He’s appalled that Pam and Dwight are friends. He’s appalled that Michael wants shotgun. He’s appalled that Michael can’t even fill out paperwork at the hospital correctly. To cap all of this off, Jim is appalled that he knows Dwight’s middle name. (It’s Kurt, not Fart. NAME THAT EPISODE!)
Tune in next time for a Classique Series review of Pushing Daisies!
The Office S6- Niagara
You might be wondering why this review took so long. It’s because the sheer excellence of this episode blew my mind for seven days straight.
Great Scott
Did anyone else get a “Phyllis’ Wedding” flashback before you watched “Niagara”? I actually watched it after I saw this episode just to see if Michael had improved any with age. Like a fine, loud, annoying wine, he did. He didn’t lose Pam’s Alzheimers’-stricken uncle; the worst he did was give Memaw a very unnecessary and awkward lecture about women’s sexuality. Michael didn’t drag Pam’s father’s wheelchair down the aisle; he danced, instead, making for one of the top 5 TV sequences ever. (Full list to come in the future.) Watch the real wedding entrance video here.
Big Tuna and Pam Halpert
I’m reviewing these two together today because, gosh-darn-it, these two never fail to be ridiculously cute whenever they’re in the same room together, let alone getting married. All of the trouble they had to go through to get married provided much of the humor in the episode. Pam taking Andy and his scrotum to the hospital, Jim accidentally telling everyone that Pam was an alcoholic, then pregnant, and Pam’s veil tearing were some of the major plot points that just destroyed any hope of Jim and Pam having a normal wedding. (Jim cutting his tie–genius) I LOVE LOVE LOVED the montage of the church wedding and the wedding on the boat. I love that you couldn’t hear their vows, but you could see their lips moving with (undoubtedly) words of love. I…love everything about this episode, and I am not ashamed.
Dwigt
Dwight is a hilarious jerk for two reasons. 1) the cold open with the eggs and the puking, and 2) his hookup with Pam’s relative and then kicking her in the face.
Classique Series- The Office S2- The Fire
For my first foray into a classic episode review, I’ve chosen The Fire, one of my favorite Office episodes. Remember Season 2, guys? Remember when all we had between Jim and Pam was pranks, and meaningful looks, and the infamous Twenty Seven Seconds of Silence? (a Booze Cruise reference, for you non-obsessive people) Prepare to be taken back to such idyllic times, ladies and gents.
Speaking of remembering things, do you guys remember Katie? The Hot Girl who was played by this little known actress called Amy Adams?…yeah, I don’t think she ever became anything. She’s still not really that famous.
/sarcasm.
I adore Amy Adams, and this was the beginning of my adoration. Yay for Katie/Katy. (Not sure how it’s spelled.)
And Ryan was once a temp! How innocent he was before he learned to commit fraud and dye his hair blonde! Ryan brings the first challenge to the Dwight-Michael bromance. Well, the bromance that Dwight wishes to have with Michael despite the fact that Michael wants to have a far creepier bromance with Ryan. (See the Who Would You Do? game later in this episode.)
Cut to the fire. Dwight and Angela make a wonderful safety team. I also love how Dwight violently saves Kelly. I somehow remember him having a crush on her momentarily—something from an episode commentary, maybe? He did seem to have his hands all over her…
Random! When everyone has evacuated, Dwight mentions that Ryan can be 14 because “Marjorie isn’t here today”. Who is this mysterious Marjorie? Did she go the way of Devon before we even met her? Intrigue!
This Desert Island sequence is something I’ve tried to recreate many a time in many a screenplay. It’s got great character development possibilities- “The Da Vinci Code. I would bring the Da Vinci Code so I could burn the Da Vinci Code.” “A Physician’s Desk Reference. HOLLOWED OUT. Inside…”- these little bits of dialogue speak more about their characters than any awkward five minute exposition scene ever could.
Jim and Pam cuteness also begins with this Desert Island sequence. “Unforgivable.” “I take it back!”
And the Michael and Ryan saga continues…”Shut. It.” With interjections (and abuse) from Dwight. I feel somewhat sorry for Dwight; Michael projects his awkward feelings onto Dwight in the form of angry outbursts. However, I don’t feel bad for Michael once I see how he’s cornered Ryan into sitting in the backseat with him.
More Jim and Pam. “In my top 3, so suck it!” I feel awful for Pam once the Who Would You Do scene starts. Everyone wants to do her. And then I feel awful for Dwight, who can only crank REM to express his sadness at being rejected by Michael and who is taunted by Jim and Pam (while he doesn’t even notice). “Dwight, use WORDS.” “You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself, I wish I were a Volunteer Sheriff on the weekend.”
And then Roy comes in, and I feel sorry for no one but Jim.
“Well, I would definitely have sex with Ryan because he’s going to own his own business.”
Dwight decides that the best way to get back in with Michael would be to die by flames, so he rushes back in to save his cell phone. Which eventually does give Michael some worry.
This episode also marks the first mention of a Pam-Toby flirtation. She does say she wants to do him, and later in the series we definitely find out that he wants to do her. But I’m pretty sure Pam was just saying that so she didn’t have to admit that she wanted to sex up Jim in front of her fiancé.
Dwight returns victorious, however. He retrieves a cheesy pita instead of a phone, and receives love from Michael again. “Did you miss that day? Toaster Oven 101?”
We close with Ryan Started the Fire. A wonderful way to end a classic season 2 episode of genius. We had awkwardness, Jim and Pam flirtation and disappointment (He does go out with Katie at the end, and Pam kisses Roy in front of him), Dwight and Ryan rivalry, and Michael being a dork. I can has fulfillment.
Top Five TV Shows to Watch While Sick in Bed
So, like pretty much everyone else in America, I have the flu. And although I’ve never had the flu before, I’ve hd plenty of other illnesses that have required me (allowed me?) to spend long hours in bed with nothing but my shiny TV to get me through my feverish haze.
And these are in no order.
1. The Office- Case in point: tonight. Slept for four hours after school, woke up just in time to see Jim and Pam say I do in one of the most awesome ways possible. And the dancing down the aisle? Totally putting that on my wedding list.
2. The X-Files- Just be thankful that you don’t have an alien baby growing inside of you. That’s probably worse than a cold.
3. Arrested Development- The plotlines are already so awesome and crazy that you don’t really need to pay attention. You can drift in and out and still laugh at all of the jokes.
4. Bones- Another one of those “be thankful you aren’t a decaying mass of bones” kind of TV shows to watch when you’re sick.
5. Pushing Daisies- I’m actually dying to watch this while I’m high on cold medicine. The bright colors, and the singing, and the pie! goodness. I can’t wait.
Comments? Suggestions? Want me to add something?
This post is a lie.
No new review today- but expect a new one tomorrowish. A special one, at that! To start off our Classique review series (Classique meaning not a new/recent episode/show), I’m reviewing “The Injury”-truly an Office classic. One of my favorites. Thursday’s Grey’s Anatomy review should be up by Sunday night- I heard something about an alien? 
LIVEBLOG: The Office S6 E3- The Promotion
Hey, guys! I’m liveblogging this, meaning that I’m just writing (typing) my stream of consciousness and updating every 10 minutes or so. Enjoy!
Things I liked:
“I’m just going to write held back tears.”
Dwight’s back and forth between the offices.
“Where would Catholicism be without the popes?” Reminds me of the Great Schism during the Renaissance…yeah, I just went all AP Euro History on you. Enjoy.
“Are you okay with being called Jim?”
Pam on a diet. 
Ryan’s pregnancy comments. Bahaha.
“Why doesn’t Crate and Barrell let you register for a toaster full of cash?” Total Pam talking head. Love it.
“..he can say in front of this kind of people.”
Kelly’s talking head about the Hills.
“Michael…are you texting me?”
Creed and Meredith.
Jim and Michael and Michael’s nerd voice.
Jim’s pie chart.
“This says Pam Halpert!”
Although I hate Jim and Michael fighting….this scene is amazingly awesome.
I think Jim’s meanness firmness is justified now. I changed my mind.
“They all have heart-on’s for you.”
The group talking head!!
The pictures on the table.
“…because Stanley Washington was napping…and because Kevin Jefferson was chasing a butterfly.”
Pam’s complaint about her picture!
Michael and Jim’s bonding.
“What’s in here?” “Gin.” *toast* 
Things I disliked:
Michael being an asshat.
Michael and Jim fighting.
JIM JUST PULLED A MICHAEL. With his lame joke.
The Office S6 E2- The Meeting
Since the Office is such a character based show, I decided to write this review on a character by character basis. Enjoy!
Great Scott!
This episode made me feel sorry for Michael in several, fourth-wall-breaking ways. I feel like he’s just trying to stay afloat (he mention being loaded with work) and he keeps grabbing onto inappropriate life rafts, like Pam’s baby (see Best Writing) and Jim’s secret meetings and The Most Awkward Cold Open in History. I also feel like he’s being written kind of oddly- I can’t decide if the cheese cart invention was in character or not. I realize that as he gets more and more desperate to be in on Jim’s meeting, his ideas get more and more bizarre…but the cheese cart just made me feel funny. Although Andy’s Iron Chef-eqsue monologue about the various condiments that make up the cart was genius. By the time Jim confronts Michael about the lost promotion, (going back to my lovely afloat metaphor) Michael is merely clutching to a scrap of table leg being sucked down by the Titanic.
Big Tuna
I really hated Jim in this episode, and I probably shouldn’t have. I thought he was too mean to Michael- he should have known that the closed board meeting would have driven him completely batshit insane- and the only thing I liked about him this episode was his hair and the way he looked in his suit. One of the comments I jotted down (when he and Wallace came out of the meeting) was “WTF JIMMMMM” and I’m still thinking that about him. I do feel sorry for Halpert about the way Michael used Toby’s Pam-lust/Jim-hatred against him. Two thumbs down.
Dwigt
I couldn’t believe Michael’s worst enemy and best known stalker would make a good detective team, but they sure as Hell did. This obvious B storyline was probably my favorite part of the episode. I honestly did not notice that Daryl’s sister (?) was a girl until way later.
Pama-lama-ding-dong
Not much on Pam this episode. She looks way more professional now (as noted by my fellow Office fan Agar) and the Niagra Falls plan deserves about 15 Fancy New Beesly points.
Drew
I really wanted more development of the creepy cousin idea. It sounded funny, but also like an abandoned plotline. His cheese monologue redeemed him, however.
Favorite quotes:
“Please don’t talk about my breast milk” – Pam
“If we were in Communist Sweden…”- Dwight
“mind-effer”- something Andy said
“He is the new co-manager of your butt.”- Michael
Things I observed/ enjoyed/ felt like mentioning:
-So, how many Dunder-Mifflin branches are left now that Buffalo is gone? The company is dwindling…
-Did anyone else think Toby and Dwight in their car was a throwback to Branch Wars?
-What happened to blond Ryan?
-Michael is right about one thing. He is the best child to ever run the branch.
-If there is anyone I would never ever want to be, its David Wallace.
-Dwight’s anger at the end. That’s all I need to say.
