the Anti-Reality Show
a (scripted) TV blog by sydney allenOscar LIVEBLOG: Because No One is Watching Anything Else on TV Right Now Anyway
Yes, this is a TV blog…but the Oscars are scripted, and they’re on TV. So, there.
11:00. BEST PICTURE IS THE HURT LOCKER! And that’s all, folks!
10:56. BEST DIRECTOR IS KATHRYN BIGELOW FOR THE HURT LOCKER!
10:44. Best Actress is…..SANDRA BULLOCK for The Blind Side. CALLED CALLED CALLED IT.
10:33. Best Actor is……Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart! Called it. Sydney= 5285756437852, World= like 2.
10:10. Hurt Locker takes Best Editing. Cue un-shocked silence.
10:04. The Cove beat out Food, Inc. which I thought should have won. It changed the way I feel about eating chicken. In a scary way.
9:56. Avatar wins again…I don’t know what for.
9:53. Up won for Best Original Score. Tears still there.
9:51. The teensy bit of the Up score that just played definitely made me cry a little.
9:44. The In Memoriam section featured a Beatles song!
9:38. Avatar takes another one! Best Cinematography.
9:34 The sound awards matter a lot more to me now that I’m mixing sound for my own movie. It isn’t easy. Congrats, Hurt Locker!
9:11. Second loss- I thought the genius Colleen Atwood would take home the Oscar for Best Costume Design, but Sandy Powell took it for The Young Victoria. Speech started a little bitchy, but she brought it home in the end.
9:08. Avatar’s first win of the night for Best Art Direction. Sigourney Weaver’s excitement was cute. I bet the Na’avi are cheering.
9:01. Was there even a race for Best Supporting Actress? Mo’nique won for Precious-totally deserved it.
8:50. My first loss. I can honestly say I didn’t expect Precious to win for Best Adapted Screenplay; I was thinking more along the lines of Up in the Air (because it won’t win anything else) or An Education (because I like Nick Hornby). But whatever.
8:32. Called Logorama for Best Animated Short!
8:25. Definitely almost started crying during the freaking Up recap. I have no shame.
8:19. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.” Bravo, John Hughes.
8:16. Got the Best Original Screenplay and Best Adapted Screenplay categories mixed up…so I didn’t guess one for BOS. I suck.
8:13. ROBERT DOWNEY FREAKING JUNIOR is wearing a BLUE EFFING BOWTIE and SUNGLASSES. I WANT TO GO TO THERE. And, oh yeah, Tina Fey’s there too.
8:09. I’m a bit late, but I’ve successfully called the last two wins: Best Original Song for Crazy Heart and Best Supporting Dude for the Jew Hunter. And Neil Freaking Patrick Harris, anyone?!
Top 5 Squeal-inducing TV Kisses
Sure, I’m a little late, but in honor of Valentines Day, I’m posting a list of my top 5 favorite, cutest, and all around most romantic kisses. Enjoy, hopeless romantics!
1. Pushing Daisies- The Fun in Funeral
The eagerness, the music…so terrific. I love every bit of this kiss and this short-lived series.
2. The X-Files: Fight the Future
So what if this isn’t actually from the TV show….or actually happened…you know, I can ignore all of that.
3. Bones- The Santa in the Slush
Cuteness, even if they’re still “just friends”.
4. The Office- Casino Night
Can’t find a video, but watch any fanvid on YouTube and I’m sure it will offer a small clip of this iconic smooch. So amazing.
5. The X-Files- Existence
This one was actually on television, and was the culmination of a long wait for us X-Philes. It was Season 8, Mulder had “gone missing” *cough* out of contract *cough*, and not many people saw much of a future for the show. Luckily, Chris Carter gave us this sweet kiss before he created the blasphemy that is Season 9.
Any disagreements/ agreements/ kisses I forgot? Comment with your opinion!
30 Rock- S4 E8- “Secret Santa”
So sorry for my extended absence from the TV blogging universe. I took a rather long Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s Break, didn’t I? I’m sure all six of you readers are quite anxious for my next installment of television dish.
Who are you facing? This episode of 30 Rock is definitely one of my favorites for this season. Liz’s gift plot, Jack’s romantic plot, and the Merlinpine subplot were all excellent. And the YouFace creation? Amazement. FingerTagged? Phollo? This episode takes all of the weird social networking sayings, smashes them together and folds them into the dialogue just as the real sayings have entered our vernacular. The obsession people devote to an “It’s Complicated” status rivals that of “Weirdzies”. And speaking of weirdzies, Nancy Donovan is amazing. She needs to come back. And perform Hey Beantown!
Good Merlinpine! Verdukianism sounds like a fun religion because it leaves out “the two worse things about Christmas: giving and rules”. The guys’ devotion to their religion AND getting out of Kenneth’s Secret Santa (which sounds like the Murder Game…strangely enough) created some of the best comedy in this episode- especially the Verdukian Winter Carol they improv- I mean, know by heart.
Your hair is finally growing out. My one complaint: I do hate Liz’s hair. Unfortunately, it’s going to be that way for a while due to the Dealbreakers fiasco.
Good Merlinpine! Watch this episode of 30 Rock here.
Saturday Night Live- S35 E5- Taylor Swift
I’ve never done something like this before, so, here goes. I love SNL and if Iwas funny, my life’s goal would be to work on this show. But I’m really not that funny, so I just write about SNL.
Monologue: This is one of my favorite SNL monologues (even though it wasn’t a monologue). I watched January Jones’ from this past week’s episode and it was definitely not as funny as this. (Though the Mad Men theme song with lyrics was nice) I have to wonder whether Taylor Swift actually wrote that song- seems like something she would do, but it was hilarious…so it seems like something a writer would do. 
“Hey, Joe, I’m doing real well. Tonight I’m hosting SNL, but I’m not going to brag about that in my monologue…la la la. Ha ha ha.” Success is the best revenge, Taylor. To hear the monologue song, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oRmPMOZX3w&feature=related.
Weekend Update: I don’t like the guy who makes up the new stories, but AMY FREAKING POEHLER! I wasn’t really feeling this weekend’s Weekend Update until Really?!? with Seth and Amy came on and the lovely visage of Amy Poehler filled my screen. And the Sarah McLachlan….those dog commericals are truly horrendous. Horrendously sad, I mean. “This dog is a single mother. Doo-be-dah-be-dah-be-doo!”
Sketches: The cold open didn’t really thrill me. The View sketch was the OPPOSITE of funny- I love you, Taylor, and I love any chance to mock the crap out of Kate Gosselin, but she doesn’t really talk as forcefully as that. TSwift does kind of look like her-creepy. Hollywood Dish was good, but the Penelope sketch was kick awesome in so many ways. I love Penelope so, so much. I have a friend who can do a Penelope impression like nobody’s business. “My steering wheel is a crouton…” The only downside to this hilarious bit was that Taylor Swift’s fake hair is very distracting. But the horse blinders added so much. And how did they turn her black and white in the end?
Digital Short: Awesome. TSwift’s constant lip biting cracked me up. “Say it. Say it out loud….You’re….Frankenstein.” Firelight looks to be a big hit. And I’m assuming the teen driving this was a digital short too? Loved it.
Taylor Swift’s SNL episode can be found, along with lots of other hilarious footage of SNL and many other shows, at hulu.com.
The Office S6 E6- The Lover
Another stream-of-consciousness blog. I like these.
Blind Guy McSqueezy and Michael Scarn, Michael’s two improv creations, need to go bowling together. They would get along well. Until Agent Scarn pulls out a gun.
The duck. It’s so unlike Dwight…until it’s exactly like Dwight. And I wish I had his book of Bavarian fairy tales.
“I have taken a lover.”
I love Pam’s mom’s name.
MICHAEL IS SO CREEPY. I AM FULLY ON PAM’S SIDE. That being said….
“Not now, Toby, my God!” Jim is becoming Michael–the horror!
“Do you want me to give you the chills?” I’ve done that to people…without the blood and the knife.
Um, Pam, I realize you’re really mad and all, but you were actually…really out of line during Michael’s meeting. That’s all.
“Nobody talks to my baby like that…Goodbye, Pickle.”
Yeah…Michael was in the right until he said “I might someday be your father”. Then it was all over.
Top 4 TV Montages
These are in no particular order; picking a favorite TV anything (in my world) is like choosing a favorite kid when you’re the mom of about four really talented, awesome, and eloquent children.
1. Bones- S1 E1- “Pilot”
Collide Montage- when Brennan is piecing together that totally fragmented skull using Elmer’s glue and the music of Howie Day. This sequence is beautiful- I especially love all of the closeups, swooping camera angles, and the progression of time. Good work, cinematographers.
(couldn’t find!)
2. Pushing Daisies- S1 E7
Morning Has Broken- this might not technically be a montage, but it’s a scene I love undyingly, if that’s a word. The swimming, Vivian’s voice…magical. Why Pushing Daisies ever got canceled, I have no idea.
3. The Office- S6 E4- “Niagara”
Wedding Dance Montage- I think you guys have already heard about my adoration for this sequence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jqk5I236DQ
4. The X-Files- S9- “Trust No. 1″
Black and White Photo Montage- This is beauty on film, kids. The piano…the WORDS…I memorized this once to use for a monologue. Love it.
(couldn’t find this montage…but this video has the words, just some really awkward footage in the background. )
I planned on having five, but I’m sleepy. Give me a fifth one–do you guys have any favorites? Comment with suggestions.
Classique Series- The Office S2- The Injury
I love this episode so, so, so, so FREAKING MUCH. My absolute favorite (almost).
Great Scott
Michael in this episode is-to quote my new least favorite show, Jon and Kate Plus 8- “an unending fountain of whine”. Everything in this episode is about Michael’s comfort, right down to the inciting action for this episode- his desire to have bacon beside his bed. He is his own first priority and believes he should also be the first priority of everyone else- something that his officemates don’t quite understand. Michael doesn’t understand why Pam won’t smear butter (Country Crock) on his crusty blisters. He can’t fathom why Ryan doesn’t want to go in the bathroom and “clean him up a bit”. And he isn’t being snobby about it- his driving force is not that he’s the boss and THAT’s why they should love him. Michael sincerely believes that these officemates are his family, he sincerely believes that his injury is severe, and he sincerely believes that his family should focus totally on his severe foot injury. Michael is all about sincerity- until he’s ignored, and then he jumps off of the deep end. Case in point–the wheelchair dude.
Dwigt
That “moon faced kid” was a seriously awesome character in this episode. Just him crashing into the car, stumbling out of it, flopping on the side and throwing up made me literally fall down laughing. Dwight and Pam’s interaction was genius- espcially with the non-iPod and Pam helping his to the door. And drinking in Meredith’s van. Good work, Dwight. Good work.
Big Tuna
Jim is appalled in this episode. And for many well deserved reasons. He’s appalled that Michael is taking his foot so seriously. He’s appalled that Pam and Dwight are friends. He’s appalled that Michael wants shotgun. He’s appalled that Michael can’t even fill out paperwork at the hospital correctly. To cap all of this off, Jim is appalled that he knows Dwight’s middle name. (It’s Kurt, not Fart. NAME THAT EPISODE!)
Tune in next time for a Classique Series review of Pushing Daisies!
The Office S6- Niagara
You might be wondering why this review took so long. It’s because the sheer excellence of this episode blew my mind for seven days straight.
Great Scott
Did anyone else get a “Phyllis’ Wedding” flashback before you watched “Niagara”? I actually watched it after I saw this episode just to see if Michael had improved any with age. Like a fine, loud, annoying wine, he did. He didn’t lose Pam’s Alzheimers’-stricken uncle; the worst he did was give Memaw a very unnecessary and awkward lecture about women’s sexuality. Michael didn’t drag Pam’s father’s wheelchair down the aisle; he danced, instead, making for one of the top 5 TV sequences ever. (Full list to come in the future.) Watch the real wedding entrance video here.
Big Tuna and Pam Halpert
I’m reviewing these two together today because, gosh-darn-it, these two never fail to be ridiculously cute whenever they’re in the same room together, let alone getting married. All of the trouble they had to go through to get married provided much of the humor in the episode. Pam taking Andy and his scrotum to the hospital, Jim accidentally telling everyone that Pam was an alcoholic, then pregnant, and Pam’s veil tearing were some of the major plot points that just destroyed any hope of Jim and Pam having a normal wedding. (Jim cutting his tie–genius) I LOVE LOVE LOVED the montage of the church wedding and the wedding on the boat. I love that you couldn’t hear their vows, but you could see their lips moving with (undoubtedly) words of love. I…love everything about this episode, and I am not ashamed.
Dwigt
Dwight is a hilarious jerk for two reasons. 1) the cold open with the eggs and the puking, and 2) his hookup with Pam’s relative and then kicking her in the face.
Classique Series- The Office S2- The Fire
For my first foray into a classic episode review, I’ve chosen The Fire, one of my favorite Office episodes. Remember Season 2, guys? Remember when all we had between Jim and Pam was pranks, and meaningful looks, and the infamous Twenty Seven Seconds of Silence? (a Booze Cruise reference, for you non-obsessive people) Prepare to be taken back to such idyllic times, ladies and gents.
Speaking of remembering things, do you guys remember Katie? The Hot Girl who was played by this little known actress called Amy Adams?…yeah, I don’t think she ever became anything. She’s still not really that famous.
/sarcasm.
I adore Amy Adams, and this was the beginning of my adoration. Yay for Katie/Katy. (Not sure how it’s spelled.)
And Ryan was once a temp! How innocent he was before he learned to commit fraud and dye his hair blonde! Ryan brings the first challenge to the Dwight-Michael bromance. Well, the bromance that Dwight wishes to have with Michael despite the fact that Michael wants to have a far creepier bromance with Ryan. (See the Who Would You Do? game later in this episode.)
Cut to the fire. Dwight and Angela make a wonderful safety team. I also love how Dwight violently saves Kelly. I somehow remember him having a crush on her momentarily—something from an episode commentary, maybe? He did seem to have his hands all over her…
Random! When everyone has evacuated, Dwight mentions that Ryan can be 14 because “Marjorie isn’t here today”. Who is this mysterious Marjorie? Did she go the way of Devon before we even met her? Intrigue!
This Desert Island sequence is something I’ve tried to recreate many a time in many a screenplay. It’s got great character development possibilities- “The Da Vinci Code. I would bring the Da Vinci Code so I could burn the Da Vinci Code.” “A Physician’s Desk Reference. HOLLOWED OUT. Inside…”- these little bits of dialogue speak more about their characters than any awkward five minute exposition scene ever could.
Jim and Pam cuteness also begins with this Desert Island sequence. “Unforgivable.” “I take it back!”
And the Michael and Ryan saga continues…”Shut. It.” With interjections (and abuse) from Dwight. I feel somewhat sorry for Dwight; Michael projects his awkward feelings onto Dwight in the form of angry outbursts. However, I don’t feel bad for Michael once I see how he’s cornered Ryan into sitting in the backseat with him.
More Jim and Pam. “In my top 3, so suck it!” I feel awful for Pam once the Who Would You Do scene starts. Everyone wants to do her. And then I feel awful for Dwight, who can only crank REM to express his sadness at being rejected by Michael and who is taunted by Jim and Pam (while he doesn’t even notice). “Dwight, use WORDS.” “You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself, I wish I were a Volunteer Sheriff on the weekend.”
And then Roy comes in, and I feel sorry for no one but Jim.
“Well, I would definitely have sex with Ryan because he’s going to own his own business.”
Dwight decides that the best way to get back in with Michael would be to die by flames, so he rushes back in to save his cell phone. Which eventually does give Michael some worry.
This episode also marks the first mention of a Pam-Toby flirtation. She does say she wants to do him, and later in the series we definitely find out that he wants to do her. But I’m pretty sure Pam was just saying that so she didn’t have to admit that she wanted to sex up Jim in front of her fiancé.
Dwight returns victorious, however. He retrieves a cheesy pita instead of a phone, and receives love from Michael again. “Did you miss that day? Toaster Oven 101?”
We close with Ryan Started the Fire. A wonderful way to end a classic season 2 episode of genius. We had awkwardness, Jim and Pam flirtation and disappointment (He does go out with Katie at the end, and Pam kisses Roy in front of him), Dwight and Ryan rivalry, and Michael being a dork. I can has fulfillment.
Top Five TV Shows to Watch While Sick in Bed
So, like pretty much everyone else in America, I have the flu. And although I’ve never had the flu before, I’ve hd plenty of other illnesses that have required me (allowed me?) to spend long hours in bed with nothing but my shiny TV to get me through my feverish haze.
And these are in no order.
1. The Office- Case in point: tonight. Slept for four hours after school, woke up just in time to see Jim and Pam say I do in one of the most awesome ways possible. And the dancing down the aisle? Totally putting that on my wedding list.
2. The X-Files- Just be thankful that you don’t have an alien baby growing inside of you. That’s probably worse than a cold.
3. Arrested Development- The plotlines are already so awesome and crazy that you don’t really need to pay attention. You can drift in and out and still laugh at all of the jokes.
4. Bones- Another one of those “be thankful you aren’t a decaying mass of bones” kind of TV shows to watch when you’re sick.
5. Pushing Daisies- I’m actually dying to watch this while I’m high on cold medicine. The bright colors, and the singing, and the pie! goodness. I can’t wait.
Comments? Suggestions? Want me to add something?
